Can't let you go
by xxGlambert2010xx
Summary: The end of the glam nation tour was nearing & Tommy was starting to become really depressed. He loved Adam so much...but why was it so hard to tell Adam that?


The end of the glam nation tour was nearing & Tommy was starting to become really depressed. He loved Adam so much...but why was it so hard to tell Adam that?

Onstage & in reality were two whole different stories. Onstage Tommy didn't care about anything & just let the good times roll, but in reality he discovered that it wasn't just about having fun onstage or fan service. He had actually fallen in love with Adam. Tommy couldn't accept this though; it was just too hard for him. He didn't understand what he was feeling, no other man had or woman had ever made him feel the way he does around Adam. When Adam was around it was like nothing else mattered. It was just him & Adam.

Adam was also starting to feel confused & upset because he knew the end of GNT was coming & he wouldn't get to see his pretty kitty's face every day. He thought that him & Tommy could never be together as Tommy had drummed into his head that what happens on stage is "fan service".

If only Adam knew that Tommy was a very good liar & a professional at hiding things...it's what he did best. You see there is ALOT more to Tommy than everyone thinks. Tommy has a very bad self esteem & has problems dealing with it, instead he likes to cut himself to try & ease his problems. But of course it doesn't help him or anyone else it just leaves behind sad "memories" that can't be healed. No one knows Tommy cuts himself, if Adam ever found out it would break what's left of his fierce beating heart.

One night Tommy couldn't take it anymore. He just had to let Adam know how he felt so he decided to go down to the gay bar across the road from their tour bus & tell Adam. As usual Adam was on the dance floor dancing up a storm while all the boys & drag queens watched in amazement. Tommy called out, "Baby boy" & motioned for Adam to come over to him. Adam walked over to Tommy smiling, "what's up glitter baby? You look bothered" "Adam I need to tell you something...but not right here" Tommy replied. Adam then said "ok bubs I'll meet you on the tour bus in 5 minutes"

Tommy walked out of the bar & went to cross the road...Then all of a sudden a drunk driver came speeding around the corner & hit Tommy. Adam heard the impact & ran outside... & there right in front of him was Tommy's little pale lifeless body :'( Adam screamed & began bawling his eyes out holding Tommy's hands shaking him " Glitter baby wake up c'mon! Wake up!" The paramedics arrived & tried to resuscitate him but there was nothing they could do...it was too late... Adam walked into the tour bus & just broke down into tears...He had no idea how to tell everyone what had just happened. Sasha asked where Tommy is." Adam stuttered choking on his tears " T-t-Tommy won't be coming home...H-H-he just got hit by a C-C-car...a-a-and they couldn't bring him b-b-back " They all were shocked & silent for a few minutes then it really hit them...Sasha & Brooke were messes. Everyone had tears in their eyes & couldn't stop crying.

Adam couldn't breathe...He just couldn't imagine life without Tommy. Everyone tried to comfort him & each other but it was just too hard. Adam then just realized something..."Tommy never got to tell me what he was going to say" He felt even more heartbroken & started then beating himself up & saying things like he should've went to the tour bus with him & not met him there in 5 minutes.

Two days later, Adam still hadn't been out of his room, he didn't eat, sleep or go anywhere he also cancelled the whole tour. The phone rang, it was Tommy's parents they wanted Adam & the band to gather up his belongings & let them know that the funeral was tomorrow. Adam started slowly going through Tommy's stuff... & it broke his heart finding all these little memories with in his stuff, just one look at it & he broke down.

All of a sudden there was a loud bang, Brooke & Sasha heard crying & screaming so they ran as fast as they could to find Adam had collapsed against Tommy's bedroom wall & couldn't breathe properly. They held him tight showering him love telling him it would be ok. Adam was so heartbroken & miserable he pulled away from them & shouted back at them," NO IT WON'T, THERE IS SO MUCH NO ONE KNEW ABOUT TOMMY & NOW HE IS GONE & THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO!"Sasha & Brooke were so confused they had no idea what he was going on about...Then Adam threw a diary on the floor & ran out of the tour bus. Sasha & Brooke went to run after him but then they thought maybe he just needed some time alone.

Brooke picked up the diary & started reading it...it didn't take long for her to figure out it was Tommy's diary & why Adam was even more upset. She broke down in tears & said," Sasha, Oh my gosh you have to read this..." Sasha began reading aloud, : Today I met the most amazing man I've ever met in my life, Adam, Adam Lambert my baby-boy. When he kissed me at the AMA's I was shocked at first but I was glad he kissed me, it wasn't like I was ever going to have the guts too. Every show I feel more & closer to him, I don't know what's happening to me. I've never felt like this about anyone before I mean sure I've been with girls but no one compares to the way I feel about Adam. All my life I've handled things the wrong way, & tried to take my pain away by cutting myself although of course I'm such an idiot it didn't help.. It made it all worse since I am now left with dreadful scares that have hurtful memories to it. I am ashamed of what I did & I can't let anyone else see these scares. Nobody. I feel so alone & miserable...well it's my own fault. Adam has tried to talk to me about what happens on stage plenty of times but I just keep telling him it's ok it's JUST fan service when indeed it isn't. It's much much more...when Adam said he loves me tonight on stage...even if he just meant it as a friend. It changed me...that's why tonight I am going to tell Adam the truth and how I really feel about him. Adam Mitchell Lambert my baby boy I love you so much with all my heart & I can't believe how stupid I have been to only tell you this tonight. Wish me Luck...until next time goodbye haha maybe when I'm back I'll have a boyfriend for the first time & That missing part of me that's been gone most of my life will be finally filled with LOVE signed Tommy...

Sasha & Brooke broke down into tears, "oh my gosh, they were in love & Oh no...I don't think Tommy got to tell Adam...that's why Adam is so upset... This is horrible & I can't believe how alone he felt...why couldn't he just talk to us..." Sasha & Brooke let everyone else know what was going on & they all decided to go search for Adam since it had already been 2 hours since he left.

They couldn't find him anywhere, they looked in every park, on every bridge, in every bar & down every steer & still there was no sign of Adam. Until Monte thought wait a second...where did Adam first meet Tommy? So they all drove down to the city where Tommy tried out for bassist. Burbank. By the time they got there it was 12am & there sitting outside the venue all cold & alone in the dark crying his eyes out was Adam. He had cried so much you could see the tracks of his tears. Everyone ran up to him & said, " Adam we are so sorry, we don't know what to say..but don't worry it will get better & I'm sure Tommy knew how much you loved him" Adam didn't say anything. He just got into the car & fell asleep hoping when he woke up it would all just be a big nightmare. When he woke up he ran into Tommy's room, hoping it had all been a just a bad nightmare but it was far from that.

Adam slowly started getting dressed for the funeral. When they arrived at the cemetery. Time for miracles was playing in the background. Adam just couldn't do it... He couldn't bear to look at Tommy lying peacefully in his coffin. He walked over to him & pulled up his long sleeves to reveal all the scars on his skinny pale arm. It broke his heart, Adam kissed every scar & than i said while choking on tears," i love you glitter baby from the day i met you i was instantly drawn to you; you completed me & kept me going. I wish I had told you this earlier... your always in my heart & i will never ever forget you" Adam just couldn't take it anymore...he ran as fast he could out of the service bawling his eyes out. Terrance ran after him but he was already gone.

When everyone got back to the bus, there was pure silence. Everything had just happened so quick & it wasn't fair. There was still no sign of Adam but they found a note on his door. It said, "To all my dear Friends,Family & fans I love you all so much & want to thank-you all for giving me the life I had. But I can't live without Tommy" Everyone just screamed,"OH MY GOD NO NO NO NOT ADAM ASWELL" they quickly acted fast & split up looking everywhere where he could've did something,something stupid & he'd regret. Monte checked the cemetery just in case Adam had gone back to visit Tommy's grave...He ran as fast as he possibly could over to Tommy's grave... All of the Glamberts lives were shattered & all their strong hearts stopped beating fiercely... It was too late...Lying over Tommy's grave was Adam with an empty bottle of alcohol & an empty bottle of pills.


End file.
